"Speeder" Has Been Delayed Again And Continuity Corrections!
By: Andrew Bermudez
(Mustache Maniacs Film Co. Headquarters; October 26, 2022)
With how slow production has been going, it was inevitable that this was going to happen, but Speeder has been delayed yet again. Details on this and more are the focus of today's press release.
Speeder Has Been Delayed to November 11!
While we've been pushing to get this film back on track, the truth is that, while the set where most of the action takes place is finished, the second and final setup is taking longer to prepare than we had hoped. Therefore, Speeder is being pushed back one last time (guaranteed) to November 11. In place of the film's original release on Friday, we'll have the film's poster released this weekend.
11/8/2022 UPDATE: We could not secure an actor for the character of Sally in time, so now Speeder has been delayed one last time to November 25. The original plan to cast Alanna C in the role is being scrapped, with a new actor being sought out this weekend.
Canonical Contradiction Corrections!
In the meantime, we've been reviewing the official canon, and we've caught some pretty big contradictions throughout. However, we've worked to explain away these issues, so without further ado, here's everything that is new (or rather fixed) for the official canon.
Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu - Spinjitzu Brothers
- Since Ninjago: Visions of Memories and (unbelievably) The Employee of the Month roped the entirety of the LEGO theme Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu into the official canon, that also includes supplementary material, like this set of four chapter books. There's nothing wrong about that...except that the books are (according to Mustache Maniacs Film Co. canon) canonically set in 1523 B.C.E., which makes Sensei Wu and Lord Gamadon millennia old. Doesn't that contradict the rule about realistic lifespans? It might, but the fix (which comes from the Ninjago TV show itself) is that Wu and Garmadon are not actually human. They're both Oni/Dragon hybrids, like their father. And since the show also confirms that dragons and Oni originated from an alternate realm, they don't really operate on our same concept of aging.
- Speaking of the Realms of Ninjago, that is...an interesting branch of the Mustache Maniacs Film Co. Cinematic Multiverse. They're like alternate universes, but not at the same time. They're like pocket realities adjacent to a reality. The best way to describe them without prescribing aspirin is to say that they're like the realms of Norse Mythology, which are different worlds all tied together. If you need aspirin anyway, we are not professional pharmacists.
- Where did the Brickster-Bots come from? The Brickster has never been shown to be an expert mechanic or inventor, so how could he build a bunch of kooky robots? The answer? He did...very poorly shortly after he first left LEGO Island several years prior. He's just saved them for a scheme just like this one. However, since the Brickster-Bots are pretty incompetent and are easy to ignore, they've kind of just...lingered around on the island for some time.
- How did LEGO Island receive a distress signal from Castle Island if that island is only accessible via time travel (according to the official canon)? The answer is that the distress signal was actually a timestream disruption caused by The Brickster. The same could be said for the sighting of the Brickster on Adventurer's Island.
- How does this story work on a foundational level? Isn't it riddled with contradictions to other stories? Long and short answer, it doesn't and yes. We are in the process of fixing this, but that project is currently under wraps until next year.
- According to this short story, Don Bricassius says that he effectively owns the LCPD, with most of LEGO City's law in his pocket. However, when Silencia Venomosa assassinates him at the end of the story, this sets off a chain of events that sees most of LEGO City's law enforcement arrested by the FBI. There's just one problem, though: the structure of the LCPD in Flamingo's Fowl-Feathered Felony (set before this story) and LEGO City Undercover: The Chase Begins (set after this story) is basically identical. Shouldn't the structure be different due to Bricassius' murder? Yes, but the explanation here is that the two stories only show a few players in the LCPD, which encompass the few that didn't get arrested by the FBI. Most of those that didn't get arrested either turned a blind eye without dealing with cash (like Deputy Dunby) or were just starting out (like Chase McCain).
- In the game, one moment features Chase McCain listening in on a conversation between Carl Walnuts and Forrest Blackwell, where the latter has instructed the former to blow up Bluebell National Park so that a new apartment development could be approved. But how does Chase not know about this project later in LEGO City Undercover when it is brought up? The answer is that Chase was simply listening in for Carl's plans. He had only first met Forrest Blackwell earlier that day, so he couldn't put two-and-two together until later. He was just too focused on arresting Carl Walnuts.
DINO ATTACK T-Shirt Design Coming November 25!
Just in time for Black Friday, we're debuting an all-new t-shirt design with players from BZPower's DINO ATTACK RPG in mind! Titled "Dino Attack War Veteran," the design takes cues from actual veterans' association logo along with characters, vehicles, and dinosaurs from the aforementioned RPG. What's more, the design is canonical, meaning that this t-shirt is designed to exist in the cinematic universe!...At least, in Dimension 525. The design will be revealed next month ahead of its release.
All Other Release Dates Still On Track!
At this time, Alms Pouch: Finished At Last! and Camel: The Movie are still on track to be released on December 16 and 23, respectively. If anything else changes, we will let you know.
Lead Out
And with that, we hope that you are still excited to see this hilarious remake of one of our most memorable pre-formation films!
For whatever it's worth, when I recently wrote Don Bricassius's Dino Attack RPG Wiki article, I chose to retroactively move Amanda and Roger's hometown to New Block City. This was done specifically to sidestep the problematic implication of a canonical LEGO setting like LEGO Town or LEGO City being filled with corrupt cops until 2008. Of course, this is only how Dimension 525 resolves the issue; you're free to do whatever you please with Dimension 418.
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